---
title: "Let Them Be: Embrace Singular They"
description: Most major style guides accept singular they as correct in all cases. Learn more about usage and exceptions in this blog.
---

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# [Let Them Be: Embrace Singular They](https://www.mckinnon-mulherin.com/blog/let-them-be-embrace-singular-they)

 Written by [Deb Moeller](https://www.mckinnon-mulherin.com/blog/author/deb-moeller) | Jun 15, 2021 11:23:13 AM

Ten years ago, I was among the editors and grammatical hard-liners who fought against using pronouns such as *they*, *them*, and *theirs* as singular. I insisted, “*They* is plural! It can only apply to two or more people!” I was wrong. If you’re still fighting this fight, I hope that I can change your mind.

There’s more than one way to be wrong. I’ve been wrong out of ignorance and wrong out of malice, but in this case, I was wrong because of privilege. I didn’t acknowledge—and didn’t think to acknowledge—that some people use *they* as a pronoun because they don’t identify with *he* or *she*.

## Singular *they* is older than our rules against it.

With a little digging, I would have known that I was wrong out of ignorance as well. English speakers and writers have used singular *they* since at least 1375, according to the [**Oxford English Dictionary (OED)**](https://public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/#). *They* isn’t the only pronoun to change over time: as the OED points out, *you* was once a solely plural pronoun, and now we use it as both singular and plural. The limitation of *they* to plural status began in the eighteenth century, and by the end of the twentieth century, that limitation was already vanishing.

## It’s definitely (and indefinitely) a good idea.

Gendered pronouns (*he/she*, *him/her*, *his/hers*) create a host of awkward grammatical situations, and singular *they* solves them smoothly. It applies in two main cases:

- **Indefinite**—When you don’t know the gender of a person, use *they*, *them*, or *their*. For example, “When a guest arrives, greet **them** and offer to hang up **their** coat.”
- **Definite**—When someone chooses *they* and *them* as personal pronouns, use their pronouns of choice. For example, “Alex went to the store and bought **themselves** new jeans.” (Note: **themself** is often accepted as well.)

In the indefinite case, you can avoid the singular by pluralizing everything: “When guests arrive, greet them and offer to hang up their coats.” But that ignores the definite case, which requires you to acknowledge and accept people who use *they* as a personal pronoun.

## The experts agree on singular *they*.

Most major style guides, including those from the**[Associated Press](https://www.apstylebook.com/blog_posts/7)**, the [**American Psychological Association**](https://apastyle.apa.org/style-grammar-guidelines/grammar/singular-they), and the**[Modern Language Association](https://style.mla.org/using-singular-they/)**, accept singular *they* as correct in all cases. Even the venerable [**Chicago Manual of Style**](http://cmosshoptalk.com/2017/04/03/chicago-style-for-the-singular-they/?_ga=2.206006933.740400848.1623349173-851241646.1621288926) accepts singular *they*, although I should note that Chicago hedges around definite cases and wants to make sure we still treat *they* as a grammatical plural, e.g., “They have a degree in mechanical engineering.”

Our language is evolving from the gendered, “Let him go his own way,” to the awkward, “Let him or her go his or her own way,” to the inclusive, “Let them go their own way.” I embrace and enjoy the singular *they*, and I hope you will too.

[View full post](https://www.mckinnon-mulherin.com/blog/let-them-be-embrace-singular-they)

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